It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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