She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
