I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
