i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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