carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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