the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you had me at cake vodka
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
