I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
