There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
