do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
