3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
