I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
