He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He? As in you personified your dick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
