I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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