No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
