WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
