This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
