So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
