My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
