I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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