apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
