wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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