Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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