You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
