someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
