I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
