Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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