please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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