I love black thongs
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
