guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
