Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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