Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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