I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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