DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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