we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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