Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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