my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
