i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
