Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
