i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
