i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
