He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
