Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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