Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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