My sheets look like a crime scene.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
