My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
