I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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