Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
