mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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