NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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