It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
