How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
