Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
